Spare some change?

Spare some wisdom?

• Keep it short

  I swear to God, if you hobos don’t knock it off with the long stories with plot twists and lies I will punch you in the ballsack! You know exactly who you are, you inconsiderate son of a bitch. You start out innocent enough asking for the time or for directions and for your politeness you are rewarded with assistance. But to reward our kindness you waste our day with tales of the impossible. Example:
  
  “Do you happen to know the time? Cool thanks OH LISTEN! I just got out of prison and it’s my daughter’s birthday. I have gangrene, a headache, and herpe-syphyl-aids. You’ve got nice shoes, I had a pair like that once. But listen…do you like massages? Cuz there’s a place in New Jersey and those girls do eeeeeeeverything! They got spanish girls! They got black girls! You white boys like asian girls and they gots them too! So I need $20 to get to Jersey, can you help me out?”
  
  I paraphrased greatly but you get the idea. STOP. DOING. THAT. You can’t even spell gangrene. Hell, I probably even spelled it wrong. And herpe-syphyl-aids isn’t even a real word. If your target doesn’t buy the story, reiterating the key elements won’t change anyone’s mind so stop doing that too. If you look at the example above and think about what you’re truly trying to accomplish you can boil it down to the following story:
  
  “Can you spare some change?”
  
  See what I did there? I took out all the parts that earn you a kick to the gallbladder and left al the parts that will earn you a fistful of nickels. You can thank me by never telling me another story ever again. And in return, I’ll stop karate chopping you in the throat.

  Tagged: behavioral patterns common sense stories aggrivation

  Posted on August 11, 2009

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