Spare some change?

Spare some wisdom?

• Get a job

  People have been saying it to hobos since the beginning of time. Get a job. But no one cares to offer suggestions, do they? Rather than give you change, a CEO for some computer company will tell you to get a job like the rest of us. But where? He won’t hire you. You can’t be a doctor or a teacher either. Flipping burgers isn’t even an option because you’re a walking biohazard. So what exactly are you qualified for?

  Prostitution
  Some people are either really down on their luck or they have shitty friends. Either way, you can easily sell your body for sex. You have a hole, you have a pole, all you need is a price. Your best bet is to hang out near bars on weekends. People walk out of there wasted and see a dream like you, it’s a done deal.

  Babysitting
  Parents always have a hard time finding baby sitters when they want to go out. The problem is people have plans of their own, hate children, or will certainly ruin your home with fire, sex, or malice. But hobos are loyal. Hobo babysitters are very popular. No one talks about it though because it sounds really irresponsible, and it is, but where else are people going to find someone to watch the kids for just 38 cents? Next to the highway, that’s where!

  Dog Walking
  Dog walking is right up there with babysitting. Like kids, no one likes taking care of their pets. They like owning them, petting them, making them wear preposterous sweaters, but when it comes time to take the dog out the love is replaced with racism. Again, that’s where you come in. Not only can you take the dogs for a walk but you can provide a place for them to piss if trees aren’t available. Let’s face it, you already smell like piss anyway.

  Sperm Donation
  The common hobo rubs away over a million dollars a day! It’s time to start cashing in. Stop doing that in a coffee cup and start doing it in a sample cup. The next time someone tell you to get a job you can proudly say you do have one and you’re working overtime.

  It’s important to keep your dirty eyes open to new and exciting job opportunities. Things like being a body guard, a taste tester, one of the knights at Medieval Times, you can have any job you want…as long as you set your sights really low.

  Tagged: employment prostitution child care animal care masturbation

  Posted on August 21, 2009

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