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Keep it short
I swear to God, if you hobos don’t knock it off with the long stories with plot twists and lies I will punch you in the ballsack! You know exactly who you are, you inconsiderate son of a bitch. You start out innocent enough asking for the time or for directions and for your politeness you are rewarded with assistance. But to reward our kindness you waste our day with tales of the impossible. Example:
“Do you happen to know the time? Cool thanks OH LISTEN! I just got out of prison and it’s my daughter’s birthday. I have gangrene, a headache, and herpe-syphyl-aids. You’ve got nice shoes, I had a pair like that once. But listen…do you like massages? Cuz there’s a place in New Jersey and those girls do eeeeeeeverything! They got spanish girls! They got black girls! You white boys like asian girls and they gots them too! So I need $20 to get to Jersey, can you help me out?”
I paraphrased greatly but you get the idea. STOP. DOING. THAT. You can’t even spell gangrene. Hell, I probably even spelled it wrong. And herpe-syphyl-aids isn’t even a real word. If your target doesn’t buy the story, reiterating the key elements won’t change anyone’s mind so stop doing that too. If you look at the example above and think about what you’re truly trying to accomplish you can boil it down to the following story:
“Can you spare some change?”
See what I did there? I took out all the parts that earn you a kick to the gallbladder and left al the parts that will earn you a fistful of nickels. You can thank me by never telling me another story ever again. And in return, I’ll stop karate chopping you in the throat.Posted on August 11, 2009
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Wear Pants
Seriously
Posted on July 29, 2009
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Don't sleep in shit
This one should be a no brainer but for some reason it eludes even the most seasoned hobo veteran. If you shit where you decided to sleep for the night, roll away from that spot. It’s easy, take a look.
Imagine the fire is a quart of your own brown. Stop what you’re doing. Drop down low so no one sees the smell crafter. Roll Away from it.
Posted on July 24, 2009
Sometimes hobos get it wrong. It's hard to give a smoking dirty lady your hard earned spare change when you know she's going to buy crack with it. Like all things, the problem starts at home. Let us educate the lost. Jesus did.
Spare some change?
Spare some wisdom?
